Tonight has alternately been one of my best WoW nights and one of the worst.
After well over a year, I finally got an upgrade to my shield – Bulwark of Smouldering Steel finally dropped after all the months we’ve been poking around in ICC 25 (stats say that this was my 13th Marrowgar 25 kill). Ori was my very first healer after I guild hopped to an IRL friend’s guild that was in need of a healer and switched from protection to holy in January of 2009. The very first run I did with them netted me the Voice of Reason from KT 25, and it’s been my faithful shield since, thanks to a lack of any other dropping while I was around. It’s become kind of a guild joke that there’s no such thing as shields, because it’s evaded me for so long. To finally get it was kind of a high point of raiding for the past few months.
Because honestly? Raiding has bummed me out. But I decided not to give a shit about what ever else was going on and just have fun raiding tonight. It actually worked for a while and I was enjoying myself despite the fact that there were stupid wipes. Unfortunately, I also realize lot of the tension has overflown and I’m afraid that my WoW experience just won’t be the same any more. I try not to talk about my guild and our problems any more in this blog, because I know that it upsets the members. But you know what? Being quiet and not trying to fix the problems, or worse – trying to “fix” them in explosive ways, upsets ME. I’m incredibly sad because BoO is a place where I feel that I can have fun and I feel that people enjoy interacting with me, and I’m not sure how much longer that’s going to last. Tensions are driving people away and I’m torn between begging them to wait and acknowledging that if it weren’t for certain people, I might not still be here and happy either.
But no matter what happens to the guild itself, I know that the people that I’ve gotten to know will still be my friends. That’s more important to me than pixels and monsters, and it makes me sad that not everyone feels the same way that I do.