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Posts Tagged ‘don’t mind the puddles of emo’

Tonight has alternately been one of my best WoW nights and one of the worst.

After well over a year, I finally got an upgrade to my shield – Bulwark of Smouldering Steel finally dropped after all the months we’ve been poking around in ICC 25 (stats say that this was my 13th Marrowgar 25 kill). Ori was my very first healer after I guild hopped to an IRL friend’s guild that was in need of a healer and switched from protection to holy in January of 2009. The very first run I did with them netted me the Voice of Reason from KT 25, and it’s been my faithful shield since, thanks to a lack of any other dropping while I was around. It’s become kind of a guild joke that there’s no such thing as shields, because it’s evaded me for so long. To finally get it was kind of a high point of raiding for the past few months.

Because honestly? Raiding has bummed me out. But I decided not to give a shit about what ever else was going on and just have fun raiding tonight. It actually worked for a while and I was enjoying myself despite the fact that there were stupid wipes. Unfortunately, I also realize lot of the tension has overflown and I’m afraid that my WoW experience just won’t be the same any more. I try not to talk about my guild and our problems any more in this blog, because I know that it upsets the members. But you know what? Being quiet and not trying to fix the problems, or worse – trying to “fix” them in explosive ways, upsets ME. I’m incredibly sad because BoO is a place where I feel that I can have fun and I feel that people enjoy interacting with me, and I’m not sure how much longer that’s going to last. Tensions are driving people away and I’m torn between begging them to wait and acknowledging that if it weren’t for certain people, I might not still be here and happy either.

But no matter what happens to the guild itself, I know that the people that I’ve gotten to know will still be my friends. That’s more important to me than pixels and monsters, and it makes me sad that not everyone feels the same way that I do.

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This definitely isn’t going to be a helpful suggestion post, because frankly I wouldn’t even begin to give advice on something that I’m struggling with.

I’m unhappy with WoW right now.

Socially things aren’t really that bad. There’s grumbling about cliques and some people aren’t happy, but I’m coming to accept that there’s nothing that I can do about that. You can’t really make everyone get along, and I’m happy with my friends who I talk to in and outside of the game so I’m just going to let go of everything else and enjoy that.

The problem for me is the game itself. I’m bored with it – there’s simply not much of anything that I want to do, and especially not things that I can do by myself. Most of the time if it’s not a raid night I tend to log in, check my mail, idle around Dalaran dancing or putting down a picnic basket for 5 minutes, then log off. I pretty much play this game for raiding, and when there’s nothing I can do to improve my raiding game outside of raiding itself, I just don’t have anything to do. Leveling alts is an option, but it’s not one that holds my attention for long.

I am having a little bit of a raiding issue now too, though. Since we’ve started 25s, I’ve come to realize that I vastly prefer 10s. I like smaller groups because I find them less confusing. I feel more useful as a healer in a 10 man run because we usually have just enough, while in 25 it feels like it’s no big deal if I bite the dust or don’t bring my A game. My other problem is wipes. I’ve always said that I’m okay with wipes because they’re a part of the learning process. I’m starting to feel like it was complete BS that I had even tricked myself into believing. :P Wipes are frustrating, especially when there’s no sense of progress and it feels like you’re repeating the same mistakes over and over. At the end of a wipe night, all I can think of is that my time would have been far better spent doing something else.

A person who doesn’t play WoW would probably respond to that with “so why don’t you just quit?” (believe me, my boyfriend did) and I can’t explain why that’s not an option for me. I feel a sense of responsibility towards the people who I call my friends, because I’m part of a team. I know what a big set back it can be when one of the team members decides to leave. I don’t want to be the person who lets down others that I care about. I’m really not at the point where I want to leave the game anyway, I just feel like I need a break from raiding for a little while, but I don’t want to be that person who bails when progression content is tough, only to come back and reap the rewards when it’s cleared. That’s really not what it’s about for me, I don’t give a crap about whether or not it’s easy to hoover up all the loot, but what I do care about is how I spend my time. Right now the way that I spend my time just isn’t making me as happy as it used to and I’m at a loss for deciding the best thing to do about it.

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