Posts Tagged ‘pondering’

This definitely isn’t going to be a helpful suggestion post, because frankly I wouldn’t even begin to give advice on something that I’m struggling with.

I’m unhappy with WoW right now.

Socially things aren’t really that bad. There’s grumbling about cliques and some people aren’t happy, but I’m coming to accept that there’s nothing that I can do about that. You can’t really make everyone get along, and I’m happy with my friends who I talk to in and outside of the game so I’m just going to let go of everything else and enjoy that.

The problem for me is the game itself. I’m bored with it – there’s simply not much of anything that I want to do, and especially not things that I can do by myself. Most of the time if it’s not a raid night I tend to log in, check my mail, idle around Dalaran dancing or putting down a picnic basket for 5 minutes, then log off. I pretty much play this game for raiding, and when there’s nothing I can do to improve my raiding game outside of raiding itself, I just don’t have anything to do. Leveling alts is an option, but it’s not one that holds my attention for long.

I am having a little bit of a raiding issue now too, though. Since we’ve started 25s, I’ve come to realize that I vastly prefer 10s. I like smaller groups because I find them less confusing. I feel more useful as a healer in a 10 man run because we usually have just enough, while in 25 it feels like it’s no big deal if I bite the dust or don’t bring my A game. My other problem is wipes. I’ve always said that I’m okay with wipes because they’re a part of the learning process. I’m starting to feel like it was complete BS that I had even tricked myself into believing. :P Wipes are frustrating, especially when there’s no sense of progress and it feels like you’re repeating the same mistakes over and over. At the end of a wipe night, all I can think of is that my time would have been far better spent doing something else.

A person who doesn’t play WoW would probably respond to that with “so why don’t you just quit?” (believe me, my boyfriend did) and I can’t explain why that’s not an option for me. I feel a sense of responsibility towards the people who I call my friends, because I’m part of a team. I know what a big set back it can be when one of the team members decides to leave. I don’t want to be the person who lets down others that I care about. I’m really not at the point where I want to leave the game anyway, I just feel like I need a break from raiding for a little while, but I don’t want to be that person who bails when progression content is tough, only to come back and reap the rewards when it’s cleared. That’s really not what it’s about for me, I don’t give a crap about whether or not it’s easy to hoover up all the loot, but what I do care about is how I spend my time. Right now the way that I spend my time just isn’t making me as happy as it used to and I’m at a loss for deciding the best thing to do about it.


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Socializing wut.

My goal for the next couple of weeks is to do more mingling within my guild. I think I generally tend to be friendly for someone who’s very shy – it took me a while to feel like I was really at home after I moved to Azgalor. Heck, I’m even still working on not being afraid to step on toes. But we have lots of new people and I want them to feel welcomed and help them get used to us as quickly as possible. For me it really doesn’t matter how long you’ve been a member of BoO, I want you to be able to get the jokes that get thrown around and have fun with everyone. Really my focus in playing WoW these days isn’t about hardcore raiding, getting gear, or being on top of progression – it’s having fun, period.

Lately there’s been talk of things getting cliquey. Personally, I think cliques are just bound to happen. In a group of 30 or so regular players, some of them are just going to get along better than others, because of personality types alone. Some people will be closer because of a shared role, like those of us who play healers in BoO and tend enjoy working together and socializing. I don’t really even get why clique has such a bad connotation when the group in question is in no way excluding others. Sure, I might be more likely to consider the people who I talk to regularly in the healer channel as my friends instead of just my guild mates (and that’s also because I talk to many of them outside of WoW as well), but I still mingle with and join groups with everyone else too. And lord knows, I do not keep my silly comments limited to just one place – gchat is just as much game for them as raid or other channels.

A group that does exclude others, I can see where that would be a problem. I felt very left out in one of my previous guilds, because almost all of the socialization took place on vent. I had a friend who would talk to me in our paladin channel, and he told me that people felt that I was unsocial because I never joined them on vent. That really hurt my feelings, because I thought that everyone understood that that wasn’t really an option for me. Having conversations on vent makes me nervous because I don’t hear very well, and while I know that people can be understanding about it, that just doesn’t change that it’s just not my preferred way of communication.

Maybe I do come off as cliquish and uninterested in mingling unintentionally? I certainly don’t mean to – I’m trying to have fun with and do things with everyone to the best of my ability.

As an extension of that, I’m picking my lolret experiment back up. I want to be able to run some heroics with other people who are also healers, but since there’s only one per group, I just need to get better at dps so that option is available to me as well. I have … no freaking clue what happened since the last time I tossed on my retribution garb and spec, but yesterday when I did it, I managed to actually hit 4k dps on the target dummies. That’s not WOW AMAZING by most standards, but for me? That’s double what I was doing before. I guess I just learned to push buttons better~! \o/ I’ve done a few heroics with about 3.5k sustained over the course of the run, and I’m pretty happy with that. I have a few pieces that need upgrading, so hopefully I’ll get lucky in some of the new Icecrown heroics. I especially need new trinkets, because I’m using one from Direbrew and the crafted Emerald Boar. Neither are bad, but something better might help. I’m also short on expertise – currently sitting at 16 out of the 28 points I need, I think.

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The guild is going through a bit of a shake up right now, and I’m actually very pleased with it. I think I’ve typed the phrase “I’m so excited!” more times than I can count in the past 48 hours (yes, I am also SO SCARED because I am a Saved By the Bell nerd). We’ve recruited a few new people who I am really enjoying playing with, especially when they whisper me with snarky comments (Don’t have anything nice to say? Come sit by whisper to me.) and we have more on the way. I am slightly bummed because I ran across someone who also has a hearing impairment who was looking for a guild where it’s not a big deal, so I offered up BoO. She applied and we haven’t heard from her since, but maybe I will try to check in today to see if she’s forgotten about us. The influx of new people should definitely mean a return to all-guild 25 man raiding, and that’s inspiring our officers to reevaluate some criteria for Core Raider status, bring back some rules that have gone lax, and take us back to using DKP as a loot system. These changes all sound great, and I’m liking the fact that there is discussion going on that isn’t limited to just the officers.

Which brings me to something that I’ve been thinking about for a little while – how do most people approach sharing their opinions while taking ranks within the guild into consideration?

Perhaps because my most serious, hardcore raiding guild had a long-established officer base that was not looking for input from the rest of us, I’ve been prone to taking a sit back and deal with it approach. I will definitely voice my opinion if asked, and I have been known to grumble a little in the healer channel from time to time (and definitely on this blog, eheh), but I don’t like complaining directly to our officer team or trying to impose my ideas about things that should change. I don’t give my advice or say “I think that we should do this”, because there are usually several other people doing that. Some nights I might not like our plans, but I keep it to myself, and I find myself wondering if that’s the best course of action in the long run. Sometimes I have strong opinions, so why not express them?

For one thing, I think I have a very friendly relationship with our GM and I don’t want to bother her with things. I apologized about publicly bitching about something last night, even though I know she agreed, because she has to deal with fall out when that happens in general. I know that she has a lot on her plate with running the guild, and I feel that it’s my responsibility as a friend to be there for her if she wants to rant about it, but not to tell her how I think things should be done – that’s what her officer team is for. At the same time, I want her (and others who might be so inclined) to feel that I am capable of thinking about issues related to the guild and to raiding, and of offering my opinion if it’s needed. I want to feel as though I am someone who can be trusted to consider multiple points of view and not just think about what will affect me and and my closest friends within the guild. In short, I’d like to be thought of as someone who does more than show up three nights a week for raiding and making pervy quips, because I do feel that I’m emotionally (ha, can you tell?) invested in seeing BoO succeed. Frankly, if something happens and I’m not with the folks in Brotherhood of Oblivion anymore, I probably won’t even be playing the game. But (aside from reading this post) how would people know that if I simply keep my mouth shut all the time? At the same time, I don’t want to come across as “LOL I’M IMPORTANT, LISTEN TO ME”.

Thank you if you’ve stuck with me through the ramble. :D I wanted to express what I’m thinking about this, and also ask: what are your feelings about making your thoughts known within your guild? Am I the only person who feels like they shouldn’t step all over their officers’ toes?

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